This life feels so small to get enough. In five minutes, you can walk by a place or just see it from outside, where you would have spent hours, days, or even months.
In order to move to the next place, you postpone the extended period of time. And you just keep moving, through places, through days, through people.
You never go to the depth of your under sensed longings, and despite you visiting so many places and you meeting so many people, you still feel missed out.
You feel time is going to pass by and you will die dissatisfied, like you are right now, so you elope to add more and more numbers rather than the value.
It pulls you; the place, the person, the book, the music calls you, but you don't give yourself enough to become part of one another, you never finish it off, you never feel every note of it to your innermost being, leaving sugar at the bottom of the cup.
Life comes with an instant fast-tracked checklist to get dopamine and to “achieve”.
As ironic as it sounds, it never fulfills anything, it keeps you feeling that you didn't contribute enough to life and you cannot exactly comprehend why.
When you try to list it all down, you can write 100 norms you accomplished or 100 dishes you tasted or 100 places you travelled to, yet here you are, unsatisfied and empty.
Some with more than enough money, things, or people can never have enough!
They keep moving on to better stuff, yet left with nothing, because they cannot love something or someone they already have, they don’t connect with it at all.
Whether you have a thing, or a person, or things of the world, or million people in your life, all is meaningless without a connection.
In the eyes of the blind, possession is nothing more than a way to see the world.
A five-course meal at an expensive restaurant feels tasteless compared to that one favorite dessert enjoyed slowly by the corner making a great day. Colorful flowers and grand bouquets have a lot of passing beauty, but the deep breath inhaling the intoxicating scent of one flower slows down time, brings you back to live in the present moment, calms the mind, and reassures.
We all know attachment costs, because attachment comes from need.
When we keep adding objects, we are acting out of need, need to look rich, or to look lovable, to kill time, to distract from loneliness, need to act out of fear of abandonment, unresolved childhood trauma response etc.
This attachment of need cannot be filled until you choose to convert it into love, until you selflessly love the people you resonate with, speak your heart to them, share with them, unconditionally love and accept yourself enough to uncover your self-deceptions, feel the music, live in the book, truly connect with the the art, the place and the nature, let yourself be free of judgements, savor every meal, appreciate and enjoy that comes your way.
Giving of yourself fills.
Not out of any need for them to fulfill you, but rather because you can hold a satisfied part of yourself in them, things and people fill you.
Opposite to that, when you leave something or someone midway in search of stability through another thing, and so on, you somehow make this disoriented list in your mind in which things or people don't receive closure, the time, or the emotion that you ought to invest in them, leaving you with a void that these objects created in you while they took up space in your mind.
Imagine the feeling of not exhaling after inhale, or stuck food inside stomach for years, or a machine that never got turned off.
These endless processes in your lifetime that are undissolved keep running in the background, keep on adding more and more noise.
In the search for fulfillment, you shrink a part of yourself in order to accommodate more and more new objects, in the hope that these will somehow fill your space, calm the noises down, bring peace, and bring satisfaction.
But accumulation of these objects keep widening inside you, resulting in you getting farther and emptier of yourself.
You add these objects made up of people, things or actions that you never make your own; you are just existing until one day you find a perfect world where you can do things you love, which are in tune with who you are.
Unfortunately, this perfect world and time do not exist because no one else is capable of creating and maintaining them for your arrival.
You list down things to do, and there is a sense of peace because now you know what you need to get done, but you don’t actually finish them off, the list keeps adding, and somehow it keeps lingering in your mind all the time.
You feel exhausted with these thoughts and this list, and you try to flee from them.
Making the list produced a burden on your mind which won’t go away until you finish off each task satisfactorily.
The more people and things you add to your life, the more this list is created unconsciously, and the more anxious and empty you feel.
In the midst of so much, there isn't room for depth to thrive for what really matters or makes you truly smile.
Life passes by looking at time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
Why the best is always yet to come?